Comments on: Welcome to Medical Hospital

By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:12:17 +0000

Thanks guys. Mike, I’m bothered by it, which is why I solicited comments, so I don’t think you are far from the mark.

Peter, I’ll move that bit (I know right where to put it) and that might go a long way toward solving the problem.

By: Peter Dyring-Olsen

Peter Dyring-Olsen — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:24:57 +0000

I like it! It makes me think of ER (the TV-series) and I want to play it right now!
I’m not too keen on the second part, where you seem to venture into some kind of lecture on the fictional history of the medical drama and I immediately start to lose interest. If I were you, I’d save that part for a small essay - or even better, just leave it out.
As for hyphens: well, three isn’t that many, is it?

By: Mike Reeves-McMillan

Mike Reeves-McMillan — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:20:27 +0000

Jason, somehow this seems to lack your usual manic energy. Perhaps it’s the lack of exclamation points. Perhaps it just needs to be trimmed by 25-30%. Maybe both.

In any case, the prose doesn’t have the feel of what it’s talking about - tension, drama, urgency. It feels measured.

Am I making any sense here?